Why rebound relationships dont last

Well, the fact remains that we need love. We need to feel wanted and we're scared of feeling lonely. We avoid addressing important questions like "Why did this happen? If you're still not convinced, here are 6 reasons why such a relationship is a huge NO-NO:.

No time to introspect. Every failed relationship has something to teach us. Since most of the time both you and your partner are instrumental in the failed relationship, it is always healthy to take some time out to introspect and analyse where you went wrong. This will help you in your future relationships and you will know how to handle such situations ahead.

A rebound relationship won't allow you the time for this and hence, there's a good chance of you making the same mistake all over again. You aren't your true self. Post a breakup, you are an emotional wreck and can't seem to think as clearly. At this crucial and vulnerable stage, if you get involved with someone, you might tend to suppress parts of your personality that you think might be unattractive and hence, you turn into a whole new version of yourself.

Unfortunately, you can't keep up this act forever and there's bound to be a time when your partner will discover the real you. Too much baggage. We all know that breakups leave us with a good amount of baggage that we need to clear and pack-up before we move on to something new.

While this emotional baggage might not be a hindrance at the start of your relationship, that's only because it takes some time for that to creep back in. But it will. So if you don't bravely deal with what matters, it won't be long before your partner is overwhelmed by your issues and you'll have to end another relationship. If you don't give yourself enough time to come out of your previous relationship, after a while, you're bound to start comparisons in your head.

You'll jump to conclusions that the new lover doesn't understand you like the previous one or doesn't know you as well as the one before and that is obviously not fair. No two people will love you the same. So give yourself some time to get over your past and then get into something new. You're not over you ex. The most simple reason for you not to get into something new is because you aren't over your ex. As much as you deny it, the truth remains that you cannot get someone out of your system so effortlessly, especially if it was a long-term relationship.

This is obviously not fair to your new partner nor is it good for you. What was Meredith's fatal mistake here? After all, she wasn't the one who was a narcissistic abuser. True enough she was a victim. But had she taken the time to actually get to know Terry instead of jumping into a rebound romance, she might have noticed some of the red flags before she was in too deep. The truth about rebound relationships is not all of them will end the way that Meredith's did.

In fact, there is a chance that the rebound relationship actually turns out to be a successful and long-term relationship. But there will always be doubt from the rebounder that the relationship will last with their new partner. On the other side of the relationship, however, there will be hope as they put hard work and effort into a long-term relationship that can quite possibly fail.

After all, should a rebound relationship last a year, that can give someone enough time to determine if they love the other or not? They may even think about marriage.

However, if a rebound relationship ends, it can be devastating, not only due to the emotions involved but also because the rebounder wasted a year of the others' life trying to get over a past love.

It is insulting and hurtful, which may lead the "dumpee" the person who has been dumped in the previous relationship to establish a rebound relationship of their own, creating a never-ending cycle. In the end, nothing will be accomplished. The original pain still exists and is now compacted by more hurt. Thankfully, these types of situations are avoidable.

First things first-don't enter a rebound relationship if you haven't already done so. Take time to heal yourself, to work through the hurt, and to prepare for your next, best partnership. On the flipside, you should avoid entering into a relationship with someone who is just recently single. Even if they seem like a fantastic catch, it's highly unlikely that he or she will be able to provide you with what you need and desire while working through pain and hurt.

Let them know that you are getting over someone and make it clear that you are unsure if you want the relationship to last.

Most will understand. In fact, there may be a few who would prefer that the relationship did not last very long either and stays short-term. Regardless, it is vital that you communicate with each other throughout the relationship so you can truly know where the other is at. This will give you a better understanding of what the other is thinking and feeling and know precisely where you have gone too far or when to end it. If you find that you are still hung-over from a past love despite going through a rebound relationship or two, try confessing your feelings with your past love.

For all you know, you were meant to be. You may speak with a friend or a family member, or even a therapist such as those available at BetterHelp. Whichever way you choose, you will be venting your feelings in a healthy manner, negating the need for a rebound relationship. There is no set time-frame or contact rule that defines when it is acceptable to start dating someone new following a breakup; it depends entirely on you. Some people choose to date right away, but unfortunately, they might not have had enough time to heal and learn how to cope with their feelings and emotions, and instead, depend on a rebound relationship to do so.

You go girl. You had the strength all along; you are more beautiful, strong and resilient than you even know. Thank you for being a part of this tribe and for allowing me to feel less alone in my experiences, pain and emotions. You can never go wrong with having your own back! I would need to know more details but no matter what, do not react to any of this or reach out to her. YOu are not alone. I am so in love with these blogs and posts!!

This is so close to home for me. He is now engaged to someone else and I felt a little down about it because everything just happened so fast. This moment just gives me an opportunity to work on myself and my goals and to better myself.

Thank you so much for these posts!! I am an official subscriber!! All my love to you soul sister XOXO. Today is 2 years I left my ex in Florida because his mom told me I deserve better she knew I wasnt happy with him for almost 10 yrs I felt i waste with him thinking he will change He ask to metty him on July 3 on my birthday I said yes but then broke it off because I felt he wasnt being honest by being a Cheater. Now he posting pictures of being engagement.. One day at a time!

Getting stronger on my own so my next relationship is a healthy one!! Thanks Natasha for your amazingly insightful spot-on posts xx. Proud of you Louise. You are not alone. Can I please keep you in my shirt pocket to whisper me sage advice? How boringly basic. I literally laughed out loud when you outlined the traits of a rebound and checked off each and every one. I have to see my ex in a few days for an obligation we both committed to before our break up and this blog post eased my heart for that moment and for the future.

He showed up at a club I was at after we had split and not had contact in a week.. After finding this out, I blocked him in every way possible. Your article is so helpful — I read it most days as I find reading and actually believing it takes time.

Huge thanks. Thank YOU Annie! I initiated the break up and it hurt because I did love her very much and I wanted it to work out, but there are things that were just out of our control. My love for her was pure and unconditional. I was still grieving and working on myself. I asked who the lucky guy was, and she got so defensive and panicked and did not want to share that information with me. I respected it, and continued talking with her and the more we spoke the more I realized she was cold, distant, indifferent, apathetic.

Can somebody just do a on you as soon as they find someone else, and in such a short amount of time? My valued her and did not think or treat her differently even post break up. My love is u conditional but as soon as she showed me that her value for me was less than my self worth, I had no problems cutting her out of my life.

It was like I was talking to someone who was dead on the inside, I never thought someone who love bombed me for so long is capable of being this way. She has a new supply to fill her void. I was a rebound from her long term ex, and I thought I was an exception, someone she thought was special… surprise surprise, turns out I was just another source of validation supply.

Thank you for this blog, it has reaffirmed my thoughts on my situation. Thank you so much for not only taking the time to comment, but sharing your story on a level that will help so many people who are too shy to comment and feel just heartbroken and alone in similar situations.

You are an inspiration and are doing the right thing. Thank you for being a part of this tribe and shining the light that you are here on pms. You are loved, appreciated, valued, understood, and never, ever alone. That feels so good to read! My ex of three years dumped me 4 months ago completely out of the blue two days after his grandma died. I really loved him and i genuinely thought he was as happy as i was.

We had just came back from our first big vacation together and we already knew where to go next year.. It was such a shock for me, i could barely cope and fuction in any ways possible. I begged and cried and begged even more.

It all seemed like it was going to be better and we still had a chance! He told me about this bisexual girl his brother!! They became a couple just two weeks after we have met the last time and he held my hand while shopping.

I cut off all contact and i deleted him from every social media — i am not able to stalk because it simply hurts too fucking much. Of course, he makes his new girl known on every picture on instagram and they seem super-duper happy. I really love this man, i still do. Thank you so much for this blog! Thanks Henni! Thank you for your post. This gave me lots of hope and was exactly what I needed.

We were in a relationship for almost 10 years and he was my first boyfriend. Last year his father died and since then he dealt with depression and started a therapy.

He broke up with me after I supported him in this period. Now I found out that he met someone just 1 month after the breakup. His new girlfriend just recently started studying she is super young and they live far away from each other. And now almost 5 months passed since we broke up but he kept on messaging me but I tried to ignore him. So what to you think? I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day.

This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. Hi Lisa! It sounds exactly like my situation. We were so happy and he broke it off out of the blue and a week later was seeing a girl who lives far away, is much younger and is studying. Hi Chris! Yes it can! More men than you would think read this blog and I coach men as well. Thanks for reading! Its been 5 weeks my ex and I broke up. And this article helped me in so many ways that I am so excited to get on with my life!

You described his behavior to a T!! I smile again because I have taken myself out of the situation. This brought tears to my eyes. Thank YOU Mo. You are supported, backed, loved, believed in and never, ever alone. All my love to you. It was a mutual break up with both of us not our best selves at a party. Went no contact for 2 weeks. I come to find out she got into a relationship with one of the guys at the party within that short time period.

She was spotted touchy feely with the guy at a once favorite watering hole of ours by a mutual friend almost shamelessly. Doing herself a great public disservice. This public flaunting just seems so forced. And yet she refuses to work with me on the return of some personal items. Like really, you have absolutely no empathy for me or the relationship?

You really need the instant validation from the opposite sex so quickly huh? Your blog has truly changed my life!! I just came across your blog and you are amazing!! I am dealing with a long distance breakup of 3. I have known him for 5 and just like that 3 months later he is already in a relationship with another girl and it hurts but after reading your blogs, I feel so enlightened.

You hit it right on the head!! Even if he gets married tomorrow, I know who he is at the core and no matter how much the new girl loves, supports, shows affection, etc. I feel so much better.

I am redirecting my focus on me!!! You are believed in, understood, loved, backed and never alone. Proud of you sister! Met up with my ex tonight, 5 weeks since the breakup. I finally had to ask if he was dating someone else.

Turns out he met a girl 5 days after our breakup and has been seeing her since. But he still chose to see what happens with her instead of working on our relationship which he also admitted putting zero effort into fixing. Thank you for this article! Hi R, what ended up happening? Is he still with her?

Hi natasha.. I really love him. I was sad that he broke up with me last month. A day after that he said he wanted to try it again with me and i said yes. I was very busy at that time doing my exam to get my MD degree.

He was already done with his exam we are at the same phase of catching degrees as MD so i asked him for his understanding everytime he asked for more attention. After that time i said yes to get back with him he didnt even reply my message. So i thought we wanted me to finish my exam and then go back to him. I texted back right away and said he didnt want me back and he wanted me to go as far as i could from him. He said that he is so stressed out by me and dont want me back for any reason.

I didnt texted back after that cuz i was in major pain and didnt know what to do. So i called my brother to get me to the next flight to his city and stay with him for a week. He texted back right away saying thank you and told me that he is in a relationship with someone new. And that hit me like nothing i can ever describe.

I weigh me down cuz i have to see him again at campus for another 3 months of preparing for the last exam before really achieving our degrees as medical practioners. Minutes later my bestfriend who always have my back told me that he is with someone else now and his new girl is a girl from the same campus,same class so i have to see them together for 3 months to come and it started in a month.

He followed my bestfriend instagram and changed his profile picture with his new girl when he knows my bestfriend will report back to me right away which she did. I was surfing through google to find something to read to get me reach an understanding of whatever happen with my life right now and i found this writings and i just want to thank you for this.

It pains me to my deepest soul knowing that i would be seeing them together everyday for 3 months. He posted so many pictures of them together as a couple and he hold her like he is very happy now. The girl also do the same. But reading this, although it didnt erase my pain completely,at least it calms me, and make me feel less lonely and less sad.

Thank you so much. U are amazing and very beautiful. Thank you Gita! This is the best article I have come across. This article is my brother to a t. He left his wife after 10 years of marriage only to immediately move in with a woman he met metal detecting… He lived with her for about 4 months and as soon as his divorce was finalized, he married this woman.

The whole situation makes me nauseous. He recently had his first child with her this is her third. I think she uses men to get pregnant and uses the children as financial pawns.

My parents have money and this is their first grandchild so this woman is set for life whether she stays with my brother or not. This is causing a lot of tension because my mother is a narcissist and I think my brother might be one too although he may have met his match this time.

A year later I found out he was celebrating his 2-year anniversary with a girl he met on a Dodge neon web forum.

So this whole thing with my brother is a little bit triggering for me. Thank you for being a part of this tribe and thank you for having the courage to share and in turn, helping so many others feel less alone. Instantly feeling better after reading this. Thanks girl!!! Thank YOU Chloe! So happy to help and honored to play a part in your healing and realizations.

Sending you love soul sister. My ex and I were together for 6 years. He was my first everything. We met when we were twelve years old and started dating very young at fourteen years old.

We had a rollercoaster relationship all through junior high, high school, and a couple years into college. We broke up about six months ago at the end up September, but in December we rekindled for a minute but I could tell he was hiding something and he was very shady. We fought and stopped talking. Only two weeks after our rekindling in December and only three months after our official breakup of 6 years, he took a new girl to Christmas to meet his family.

His family still prefers me. His sisters still always comment on my Facebook stuff and message me. Especially with someone that is so extremely different than me. I have this page bookmarked on my phone and every time I feel sad or confused or lost I just reread this. I want him to regret. And hurt. And beg. I gave my all to him. But today I just feel extremely lost and sad.

Absolutely determined to stay in my white horse and ride off into the sunset, kicking sand into those narcissistic, dead eyes as I leave — thank you xx.

I havent answer his messages anymore,then he stopt writing me,so iassumed he moved on and is happy with this new person. My man thinks grass is somehow greener on the otherside. Imnot like that, i dont need to date bunch of strangers to make me feel good or know what I have front of me. I have red every singe page on google how to get ur ex back,i was doing that all days, so many weeks… i thoght i go insane.

How can person just go cold on u like this!? Yes it is! It is definitely possible. Unfortunately I was the rebound. So on the third week when we were bf and gf, he was still very excited about me, and told more of his friends about me. Like wtf right? So is it like it worked for the first bit of the relationship because it was new and exciting, but because the feelings were so strong for the ex, the feelings for me faded to numbness?

So is it really due to just bad timing? I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give advice in the comments section.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog; it WILL get better. The link to it is on the homepage. Is that very bad? What matters is right NOW. Sending you lots of love. This is amazing. Reading this I stopped crying first time in weeks. Now he is it completely turn around he quit smoking become a vegetarian and Festival hippie just like her according to his Facebook. Hi Kris! My ex broke up with me three weeks ago, moved in with his ex for a week and now said they are getting married next week.

I am so hurt and this article is my lifeline. Thank you! I can figure out what type of relationship hes in. We broke up 7 months ago and it has treated me like shit! He has been on many dates and hangs out with his ex who he got back together with in april and it didnt work out. He denies this. He has now been seeing another girl for the past 9 weeks, and says hes happy with her and they are taking things slow and when they tried to have sex, he couldnt even get it up!

Why he told me this, i have no idea!! He told my friend a month ago that he only sees her as a friend even though they connect. I have been a competely different person!

I am nasty to him about her and i hate it. I have become jealous, depressed and lost all my self-respect and esteem. Im an empath and i hate that he has been on and im still struggling. I believe he is a narcissit from his behaviour throughout our relationship and i have done extensive research.

What do i do to forget him? I wish that I could elaborate further but I have too much to say to type it all out, not enough hands to type or hours in the day. Natasha Ive been rereading several of your articles. This one and is he is better with her, especially. My question, i was dating a much younger inexperienced man with datin women.

I believe i was understsnding and more patient due to this because of the lack of experience. We been together 2 years off and on mostly on always him breaking up, me reaching out, him coming back. Last xmas after 3 months of odd behavior I caught him cheating with someone he worked with closer to his age. Innocent, naive, plain jane, complete opposite of me.

I was completely and utterly shocked. Me and her spoke one on one and he was fooling us both. He blocked me on all contact sites social media, phone and then proceeded to apologize to her and she went back a few days later.

That lasted 5 weeks with me out ofnthe picture, before her dropped her one night and appeared late at night at my doorstep begging for my forgiveness. Well, foolishly i gave him the benefit of the doubt and we made amends. I told him of he left that was it between us. He stayed several months more.

Ended bad. He left. A week later he reached out, we spent 3 nights together before i found out he left my keys behind to my place. He grew cold the next couple days and said awful things, then two days later asked to see me and apologize.

I told him this is the perfect opportunity to take a break from women and get his shit together. Fast-forward two more weeks and I reach out to the girl he cheated on me with and she said he has asked to try and be friends with her again.

Fast forward a couple more weeks and she went back to him even after me and her had spoken a second time and how he left and now he will leave her again too I assume. He has not blocked me or unfollowed me on social media. They still work together. She replied to me she wishes me the best and hope i make the right decisions for myself but obviously has not applied the same for her , as she is now proceeding to date my ex-boyfriend again. Three months of her last spring and he dumped her for me, 2 years of us.

He just thinks he can bounce back-and-forth to us whenever his feelings change I guess. Is she a rebound? Please help Natasha I would love some really good advice!! This amazing post bring me back to my not-so-old memories.

But reading it now, I could just smile and nod my head few times. Looking back, I should be more grateful because he just proved how his words contradict with his actions. At this moment, I just regard him as one of my life experience. The ending of him is my beginning of something new. I probably should thank him because of the way he abruptly end things between us without proper closure had lead me to your blog that taught me so many things.

I became wiser than I was months before. I no longer let my emotions to cloud my judgement. It prepares me for my future relationship to always have my red flag detector stay ON in my pocket wherever I will be. So once again, thank you so much for giving me the brand new perspective. Take a good care of yourself soul sis! Thanks so much for this post. What is chain yanking???

Got a lot of work to do on myself but have stayed on my Whitehorse, no contact and not reacting. I broke the pattern. It hurts. Heaps…but so happy I found this blog. Thank you!! You are supported, understood, believed in and loved. Natasha just wondering if you can shed any light on avoidant exes. I believe my ex has an avoidant personality based on my experience with him and what Ive read but didnt know much about it until doing some research after this last breakup.

I just feel like if i had understood more about this previously i may have dealt with things a little differently while i was with him. Wooow, this is exactly what I am going through! I thought I have moved on, putting my life back together when I came across their picture.

I had been devastated, but then came to the exactly same conclusions you described — he has not changed and will never change for NOONE. I ignore this asshole, I blocked him on instagram, limited his access to my Facebook profile and I see how much he would like to know how I am doing we wok together but has no source of information.

The blog is great, exactly what I need right now! Thank you, Natasha! And you are a beautiful woman! Hi Martha! You are understood, loved, supported, backed, believed in and never, ever alone.

Thanks for being a part of this tribe. What if shes the girl he rebounded the first time with when I caught him cheating and he dumped me for her, then dumped her for me? Is it possible to rebound back to the same girl?! We have 2 years together, they have now 2 months alone without me intruding.

Im so confused if shes a rebound or the real thing??? My ex was never a douche to me, rather he was a very nice and respectful Christian man, he talked about wanting a life together and all the major things, even talked me into moving to a new city for him. This article helps reassure that whether they get married tomorrow or break up, he is still the same broken man he was when he broke up with me without warning because he was so emotionally wrecked over his 2nd divorce.

Thanks for the great article!! Its been about 2. He said he was sorry for everything, that he loves me and didnt know why it was so hard for him to say the entire 2 years together. I told him to be alone then! After a couple hours talking, he hugged me goodbye and said i love you again! And it got me out of the compare me, amazing! I feel so much stronger everytime I read this or anything else on the blog, thank you Natasha!

The pain is here to pass, never to stay. You got this. If I can do it, so. You will be MORE than okay. You got this Cate. I broke up with my boyfriend, and although I knew it was a good thing I had been completely devastated when I found out that one month after me he had someone new although he was telling me we should break up beacuse he was NOT ready. I was coming to the blog, reading this post times a day. They seemed so happy, doing things I always wanted.

I felt like nothing he had ever so was true. But soon enough I found out from a common friend that he went to a party with his buddy, the girl was obviously not with him — so typical for him, going out with his buddy only, and then adding new chicks on Facebook.

I felt a bit glad knowing that probably the flame is not so serious, but at the same time I also felt a bit sorry for that girls. Recently, we have had a Christmas Party at work we work together. He came without the girl, and was flirting with some other chick!

He treated me like a crap, and he is probably treating her the same way. I enrolled for mindulness course, I started a CBT which I have been advised to take since a long time, I support charity, I read a lot, and finally I am going to learn how to ski, which has always been my dream!

I took my time to recover but most importantly to GROW. I am glad for the relationshit because it pushed me to change. But like really change, and to do things I was afraid to do before. It is sad to see that for my ex there is no help, but luckily it is not my problem anymore!

All this suffering will be gone with time, but really your time is too precious! Take it as a lesson and move on. Sorry for a long comment, but maybe it will help someone. Natasha, this is an amazing blog giving hope and helping getting better. I send you lots of love! All the best in the New Year! There is nothing I could write that would even come close to expressing my gratitude, appreciation and love for you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing and for being a part of this tribe. Thank you for being an inspiration. Thank you for allowing so many other people to feel less alone. Thank you for being the light that you are and deciding to get rid of the light dimmers. You are incredible. All my love to you soul sis. Happy New Year to you too! I came back here to update the story.

Eight months after that break up I found my soulmate — someone who truly cares for me and proves it every day not only by talking but more importantly by doing. He is a beautiful person inside out and we share the same core values. We dated three times and decided to stay friends. We had very rare contact only wishing each other Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas.

We were destined to be together, and we see it in many coincidences and impossible situations which were leading to our reunion. I believe that everything happens for a reason and this is the best proof.

Everything will be fine in the end! Love you. Thanks for the amazing blog you posted. It had helped me tremendously. I broke up with my ex about a month ago because of constant arguments and fighting and we been together for over a year, he loves me more while we are in the relationship. I was very much in pain from the break up even though I am the one broke it off. I initiated NC pretty much last time we spoke which is about a month ago.

He post pictures on Instagram with her like right away pretty much after 3 weeks after our break up…. So my question is how is it emotionally possible for a man to jump into relationship so quick and does out relationship meant anything to him?

I am just overwhelm with mix emotions and sadness.